Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Man Mallory

OK, so I had a few questionable moments last week.

As I was discussing our new ducks, I had the nagging thought that brightly colored mallard ducks are always male, or drakes, as male ducks are called (see, I know stuff.) But then I heard someone make a comment that triggered a question mark in my head and made me think, "well, I guess I'm remembering wrong," and without further ado, I went with Mallory being a girl.

It never, ever, ever pans out for me when I ignore that niggling voice way back in the recesses of my noggin. Never.

So, yes, I know Mallory is a boy, and while Mallory may not sound very manly, I kinda like it. I think a fella with a certain kind of swagger can pull off Mallory. In fact, I'm betting with me putting it out there to the universe as I am, within five years we'll begin to see Mallory cropping up on the "Most Popular Baby Names" lists for boys. Mark my words. Mark. My. Words.

I'm psychic, after all.

Not really.

But, I do believe Mallory for men is going to catch on. (Is it just me, or did you just picture someone with a cologne spritzer standing in a department store, saying, "Mallory for Men?" in a questioning voice as they proffered the bottle as if to spray a passerby?)

Speaking of "fellas," you may remember that Mallory isn't the first gender-flexible name we've had around here.

First there was Bruno, who, I'm sorry, looked like a man and there was nothing feminine about her gait or her behavior, either. You can't blame us for being confused, since we were goose rookies. Once she started laying eggs, however, we were convinced of Bruno's female status, if not her femininity; and given that she seemed to have a webbed foot in each pool, we stuck with Bruno as her name.

Our other mix-up was with a little tabby cat called "Stella."

Stella was such a sweetheart, as I've discussed here before, but he turned out not to be a girl, either. Again, we were already hooked on the name Stella, so we opted to refer to him as "Stella the Fella." Problem solved.

So, now we have Mallory -- or as I now call him, "My Man Mallory," and on we go. I'm sure new tiny creatures will come to our farm again in the spring, and again we'll be doing the guessing game. We could play it safe and go with gender neutral names like Pat and Jamie and Chris, but I doubt we will. So our gender-flexible naming philosophy will likely continue, and I don't expect our future misnamed critters will complain any more than the ones who've gone before them have.

I once again resolve to listen to that niggling voice that tries to steer me to the right path. And I also promise that, because I've coined this new little phrase here as well, you will soon start hearing "gender-flexible" in the common vernacular.

Just you wait.

It'll happen.

Mark my words.

Love from the farm,

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