Written May 2, 2009
Our sweet mama cat, Smokey, became suddenly ill about two weeks ago and after initial treatment and rapid decline, it was obvious she just wasn't going to recover.
So, although she was only a year old and had 7-week old kittens, Smokey was put down by the vet this week.
We were all so sad, but she was Macy's cat and Miss Macy felt her first true-blue heartbreak this week. She was inconsolable for more than an hour, weeping the rest of the night, and is still prone to tears silently streaking her face as something brings the raw pain right back to the surface.
Tonight I found this little note in my email. She sent it to me, her big brother and her grandma. I get emails these days full of Macy's deepest hurts, thoughts, musings and fears. Email is a whole new, safe way for children coping with so many warring emotions to communicate safely with those of us they're aching to confide in, especially when they just can't bring themselves to say the words out loud.
Macy and I share lengthy email streams - not a word is spoken outside our inboxes - and I receive sporadic hugs and kisses letting me know it's helping, that she knows I'm listening and that for those few moments it's all about just me and her, not the other 4 yahoos we share the house with. Often, these exchanges are a precious insight into the workings of her fascinating little mind. They add a whole new dimension to parent/child communication and I cherish it.
Even so, I wish she weren't aching with that hollow pain we all remember like it was yesterday, when we each lost our own pets. Those are awful big feelings for a 10 year old.
She's missing Smokey; I'm missing her blissful, innocent days before her heart was broken for the very first time.
Love from the farm,
(BTW - Whitney is our old dog you remember who we put down last spring; Speckles is one of the hens we lost in the great 2008 chicken massacre.)
"Smokey was hurting, so Heavenly Father took her. There is no pain where she is. She can run and play again. She is with Whitney, Karlie's baby chick, and the other little chicks and chickens. She is with Speckles and our fish. Heavenly Father wanted her back. She was suffering. Smokey is gone, and I miss her , but her pain is gone, too. She doesn't have to hurt anymore. I miss her. "